Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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