I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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