I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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