don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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