i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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