I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
