Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
