U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
