im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
