Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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