Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
