if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
