my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
