Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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