I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
