The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
