I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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