Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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