Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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