This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
