I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
