your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
