so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
