so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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