I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
