I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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