He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
