susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
