I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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