the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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