Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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