so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
