My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
