It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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