I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
