I'm so fucking centered right now
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
