totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
