no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
