I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
