i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
