you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
