you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
