Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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