This is not my ceiling
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
