I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
