peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She's the barista slut.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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