Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize