My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
