lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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