I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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