you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So drunk its hurt
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
