currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He shit in the fireplace
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
