Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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