found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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