we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
