I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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