I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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