when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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