Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
