I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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