so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
