found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
