My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
