I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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