Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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