Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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