you guys were way drunker than both of me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
