i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
