Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
