Farmville is her only friend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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