Don't make out with my wife yet
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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